i want to be beautiful.

Before I say anything, this blog will not be 100% about my eating habits, I will tell you about interesting things happening in my life aswell like the fact that it's my birthday next Saturday, although as this post is one of my first ones I feel like introducing myself to anyone who happens to read it. :) so, here goes:

 

I've never been happy with my body, even when I was little I can remember wanting to be thinner and not wanting to wear a dress to school because i thought people would laugh at how chubby my legs were. No-one ever did, in fact no one even took as much as a second glance, it was just me beating my self up, making myself feel fat and ugly, but if I was thinking it then others must be too right?

As I've got older, I've developed more insecurities about my body, I hate how chubby my thighs still are, I hate how they wobble and I absolutely dispise the cellulite that is developing on the back of them. I hate how when I sit up in bed, my belly rolls over and I hate the extra flab on my arms. Whenever I say anything about my worries to my family or friends or my boyfriend Rob, they all tell me to stop being stupid and I'm imagining it all, they just brush off my comments without a second thought so this is why I've resorted to blogging, I have no-one to talk to. Even if nobody reads this I'll still feel better to know that I've got everything off my chest.

I've seen other blogs similar to this one and they all get incredible support. Nobody tells them to stop being stupid and eat, they help eachother through. I don't want to lie to my self anymore, I am fat and I'm going to do something about it.


I've been cutting down for a few weeks now, I have no breakfast in the morning, instead of taking a full ham sandwich (300kcal), a packet of crisps(130kcal), an energy drink (95kcal) and a cookie(155kcal) to school for dinner, I've been taking water(0kcal), and half a ham sandwich(150kcal). So at dinner time I have 530calories less than usual. Then at tea time I've either had a cheese toastie (I don't even want to think about the calories in that) a cup-a-soup(cant remember how many calories, I know it's less than 100) , or a small portion of what everyone else is having. Then I do sit-ups in my room every day after I get home from school to tone up my belly.

To be honest, I'm actually really suprised that my mum and dad haven't noticed yet, I mean, they must know there's more crisps in the cupboard than usual, why haven't they wondered why I've hardly been eating anything for tea? Haven't they noticed all the bottles of water I've been drinking? I never drink water usually. They must have heard me weigh my self more that usual. Maybe its because they're not looking for it. Even so, it won't be long untill they pick up on something, I must be more sneaky.

I am so happy with my progress so far, my start weight was 128pounds or 9stone and 2lb and I've got it down to 121pounds which is 8stone and 9lb. This has given me motivation, if I've lost that much weight in a few weeks, how much can I lose in a few months. This is turning into an obsession and even though I know it isn't necesarily doing me any good, I'm getting thinner and that's all I care about.

"nothing tastes as good as thin feels" -Kate Moss.